After a rather difficult past few days, I’m beginning to rebound to some degree. Mentally and emotionally I’m slowly bouncing back. Three of my four children are in college. My oldest son was out the door and on the road at 7:30 a.m. this morning to the university that he attends. It’s about 3 1/2 – 4 hours away. We had planned on following him and seeing him off, but he kept insisting that would be 8 hours of driving for us to have to just turn right around and come home because he had to unpack and have a physical and concussion test shortly after arriving. He’s a pitcher for the baseball team. We took him last year when he was just a freshman. It’s nice to make sure they arrive safely, help them unload the car and put things away, make sure they have everything they need. At least we have seen the place where our son will be living until next spring. It’s always bittersweet. Can’t wait for them to go, but I start missing them the minute they’re gone. My youngest daughter will be off to school sometime today. She won’t be so far away. She’ll be close enough that she can come home on weekends, doesn’t mean she will. My oldest daughter is attending the junior college, right here in town, and started back last week. My youngest son is a senior in high school. Wow! Time certainly does fly by so fast. Next year I’ll have all four of my kids in college at the same time. Some may say that wasn’t the greatest planning on our part. I would have to say I agree.
This time of year is always difficult for me. The stress of all the extra expenses and everyone going their own ways. Since I’ve become disabled we’ve been struggling financially. The anxiety drives me mad. Worrying about money and, of course, worrying about my kids being out on their own, not knowing if they made it home the night before or if they have everything they need. Yes, I know they are adults now, but as a mother, I don’t think I’ll ever quit worrying about my kids, especially sense I suffer from anxiety.
My youngest son, a senior in high school, has already missed seven out of the first ten days of school. He became rather ill with C Diff Colitis, just another thing for me to worry about. This is a serious disease and must be treated promptly. He has been on antibiotics and will be going back to school tomorrow. Many people who contract this disease will relapse at least once within a very short time. Others will relapse several times, over several months and others won’t relapse at all. Praying for the later. It’s a very contagious disease because the spores can live on surfaces for months and according to the doctor, there are very few products to kill these spores. Another issue for me to worry about, as if I don’t already have enough, is that my eleven month old grandson lives with us. This would not be good for him to get sick with this and being a baby he puts his hands in his mouth all the time because that’s what babies do.
Friday I was a hot mess. All the negative thoughts racing and racing. It only lasted the one day because by Saturday I had decided I wasn’t going to stay stuck in this state of mind. I’ve been working way too hard at being in the wise mind and trying, difficult as it may be, to stay there most of the time. I’m just a beginner when it comes to all this mindfulness business, but as of late, I’ve decided that I do not want to live the rest of my days out of control with a negative attitude and all the emotional baggage that goes along with that.
One day, not long ago, I decided to face this monster head on.
Story continues here: http://tlohuis.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/what-acceptance-really-means-to-me/